IP: More on the HellMouth

[Dave Farber <farber () cis upenn edu>]

> Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 10:32:15 -0700 (PDT) 
> From: Michael Dillon <michael () memra com> 
> To: farber () cis upenn edu 
> Subject: More on the HellMouth 
> Organization: Memra Communications Inc. 
>
>
> Here is more on the hell that is highschool from Jon Katz of Slashdot.
> He gives full reprint permissions in the article.
> You can read people's comments on the article by going to the URL at
> http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=99/04/27/0310247&mode=thread&threshold=0
>
> Posted by JonKatz on Tuesday April 27,
> @01:00PM EDT from the struggling-to-understand dept.
>
> More stories from the Hellmouth that is High School for many bright,
> individualistic American kids continued to pour in yesterday. They are
> jarring testimonials from kids, adults, men and women. In the past four
> days, I've gotten well over 2000. These stories, many of them painful and
> engraged, tell us more about what happened in Littleton, Colorado -- a lot
> more -- than the dumb, exaggerated, frightening alarms about video games,
> Goths and geek monsters pouring out of much of the mainstream media.
>
> The messages started coming in a trickle Friday afternoon, then a torrent
> by Monday. They were wrenching, sometimes astonishing, an electronic
> outpouring of anger and compassion.
>
> These jarring testimonials explained more - a lot more - about Littleton
> than all the vapid media stories about video violence, Goths, game-crazed
> geeks.
>
> For a writer, there's nothing more humbling than to be at a loss for
> words. I can't do more justice to these stories than to let them speak for
> themselves.
>
> By last night, I had received thousands of e-mails about life in junior
> and high school. Few remembered it fondly - none, in fact. Some had
> unbearable memories. Some are still recovering. Many more are still there,
> suffering every day. 
>
> Many of you wrote asking if you could help these kids. Others wondered if
> there was any way to get the message about their lives out beyond
> Slashdot, if these stories might reach the mainstream media in some form. 
>
> Don't worry about that. The column and the responses to it richocheted all
> over the world, via e-mail, mailing lists, links, even faxes. There were
> scores of requests to reprint. For any others, and on behalf of Slashdot,
> be my guest.
>
> On the Net, ideas don't need to be pushed. They find their own audience
> and stand or fall of their own weight. Eventually, I will answer each
> e-mail, and am grateful for them.
>
> In the wake of the killings in Littleton, Colorado, here are more stories
> from The Hellmouth, from its current and former children:
>
>
> > From Eric near Littleton, Colorado: 
>
> "?I live just a few miles north of the school between the same streets. 
> I'm a geek under the skin. I was a state champ in the high jump, and the
> leading scorer on the track team, so I was not quite the outcast that some
> of the geeks are, but I understand what they are going through. I wasn't
> very popular despite being the big athlete on campus, but I at least had
> respect.
>
> I am very happy to see you and Slashdot carrying coverage of "the other
> side" of the story; the side nobody else wants to look at.  These outcast
> kids are now being swept under the rug at best, and prosecuted at worst."
>
>
> > From Josh, a Slashdot reader: 
>
> "I was much like those kids when I was in school - weird, cast out, not
> much liked, alienated, all that sort of thing'I used to imagine bringing
> weaponry to school and making the fuckers who made my life miserable beg
> for mercy. (I was never sure what to do then, though. Do I let them go?
> They won't have learned, and after that, I could never turn my back. Do I
> kill them? I really just wanted to be left alone'Remember the scene in
> "Ender's Game.") I think my parents and their support made a lot of
> difference to me." 
>
>
> > From John of Austin: 
>
> "?you can probably imagine the emotional scars that I still tote around
> with me at age 26. I still have yet to go to college, I have shelves upon
> shelves of books that I have bought, read and committed to memory.  From
> literature to computer programming, there is no one that I can't have a
> meaningful and informed conversation with.
>
> But to this day, the thought of entering another educational institution
> to prove that I have the facilities to be a ?meaningful? member of society
> makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and turns my stomach
> inside out.
>
> "I am the father now, and as such I worry about the kind of life my son
> will lead, too much at times, I'm sure'A few weeks ago I was watching the
> TLC (The Learning Channel) or the Discovery channel, and there was a
> special on the social structure within the United States prison system on.
> While I was watching it, I was thinking to myself just how similar it was
> to the social structure we find in schools.."
>
>
> > From John, who's 37 years old: 
>
> "What this really means to all my fellow young geeks out there?  Endure. 
> It may take a year, or two or five, but we will win'All those preps,
> jocks, etc., etc., will have their Ms. degrees, 2.5 kids, a job at Circuit
> City as an assistant manager, will be wondering where their life went,
> when we are coming into full bloom and taking over the world."
>
>
> > From Dan: 
>
> "How dare you glorify these scum? They were Nazi thugs, nothing more,
> nothing less. They are brutal murderers. They planned this on Hitler's
> Birthday, for God's sake. What kind of creep are you?  How dare you
> compare them to geeks? They deserved everything they had coming to them,
> and so do you. May they rot in Hell."
>
>
> > From Kevin, a parent: 
>
> "I am married, have two wonderful little kids, and am, by conventional
> measures, considered "successful." I'm also a computer geek, a nerd, and
> still have painful memories of the emotional and physical trauma I
> sustained in high school. I still attend counseling regularly. I still
> take anti-depressants every day and will probably continue to do so for
> the rest of my life.
>
> "Did I feel hate and rage for my attackers? Oh, yes. But I could never do
> anything about it and couldn't get anyone to help me. The only advice I
> got from my parents was to just ignore the bullys and eventually they'd
> leave me alone. Fortunately, I don't seem to be pre-disposed to violence
> or was too much of a coward to consider it. I can, however, see how the
> wrong kid in the wrong situation could go over the edge."
>
>
> > From Peter in Boston: 
>
> "I am a geek, and very proud of it. I have been beaten, spit on, pushed,
> jeered at. Food is sometimes thrown at and on me while teachers pretend
> not to see, people trip me. Jocks knock me down in the hallway.  They
> steal my notes, call me a geek and a fag and a freak, tear up my books,
> have pissed in my locker twice. They cut my shirt and rip it.  They wait
> for me in the boy's room and beat me up. I have to wait an hour to leave
> school to make sure they're gone. 
>
> Mostly, I honestly think, this is because I'm smarter than they are, and
> they hate that.
>
> The really amazing thing is, they are the most popular people in the
> school, while everybody thinks I'm a freak. The teachers slobber all over
> them. Mostly, the other kids laugh, or walk away and pretend not to see
> it. The whole school cheers when they play sports.  Sometimes, I want very
> much to kill them. Sometimes, I picture how I'd do it.  Wouldn't you? But
> unlike those guys in Littleton, I never will.  I value my own life much
> more. When I read these messages, I would ask other geeks to try and
> remember that, no matter what. And get online and make contact." 
>
>
> > From Rory in Chicago: 
>
> "Would you bring a kid abused by his family to counseling and call him the
> problem? If that kid expressed rage and anger toward the world, we would
> call it a product of his abuse, and try to help him with this rage,
> treating him as the victim. However when it is other kids abusing each
> other, we treat the abusees as the problem and ignore the abusers
> altogether. Hunting down and persecuting the abusees is only going to
> alienate them further - not only with their peers be persecuting them but
> so will their parents and teachers."
>
>
> > From Jason, a Slashdot reader: 
>
> "Jon, please take these e-mails'and take them to CNN, ABC, NBC, whoever,
> what ever. Make them heard, and stand up for all of us!  Geeks =
> different, different = okay, if not better! Make my mother understand,
> sweeping problems under the rug, or simply not dealing with them, doesn't
> do jack shit! And there's a bigger problem, it's them! 
>
> The people who think being different is bad, being geek is bad, TV, Games,
> the Internet, all bad! It will be hard, a minority against a majority! But
> please do it!"
>
>
> > From Evan: "I am 24 years old, and a successful professional now, but the,
> fifteen years ago, I was in the Hellmouth. Just wanted to shout some small
> form of encouragement out to the kids fighting today.  Take your fight for
> the right to be different to the people with power, and enlist your
> parents? help. Remember that if you can get your parents to understand
> your need to be creative, and non-conformist, because your brain is just
> plain bigger than the small world of middle and high school, your parents
> can make a fuss to school boards. But if they won't listen, go to the
> school boards yourself. Peacefully, but forcefully, assert your right to
> be different by speaking out against fear and oppression.  Because that's
> what it is. It's all about the fear. 
>
> People fear what they don't understand, and let's face it, the world of a
> geek isn't something most people can understand, if only because it's a
> complicated world filled with smart folks. And most people aren't
> complicated smart folks. You have GOT to break them of the fear.  You
> gotta explain that it's an outlet, like racquetball or bridge.  You have
> to explain it's not violent, it's colorful. You want violent? Look at
> football, look at sports. 
>
> That's REAL ACTUAL violence, not the simulated, stylized, far from even
> looking-real violence of video games or D&D (Dungeons and Dragons). And
> for a real kicker, ask them how many geeks are arrested for violent crimes
> and misdemeanors when compared to popular athletes." 
>
>
> > From Cory, a high school student: 
>
> "I go to a private high school and on Wednesday in religion class I told
> the class, because we were on the subject that I could understand what
> would drive them (the killers in Littleton, Colorado) to do it.  They said
> that it couldn't happen at our school and I responded by saying that it
> could because back in my freshman year it was so bad (the jokes, abuse,
> etc.) that I wished I had had a gun at home. I am a Senior now and 9 days
> from graduation. News got to the administration and I was suspended until
> I received an evaluation by a psychologist and was deemed safe to return
> to school. I have not been back to school since."
>
>
> > From MishtaE: "I've been out of school for awhile (not very long) but I
> still physically shake, I feel adrenaline go through my system when I
> think about my own junior high experiences'The feeling of hopelessness, of
> knowing that you have no one to go to who can or will make it STOP is a
> very horrid feeling. It makes you consider irrational things, because the
> rational ones obviously don't apply.
>
> "But make no mistake, the cruelty inflicted on kids doesn't magically go
> away when you graduate (or drop out and get your GED at 16 as I did).  You
> live with it, you learn to deal with it, but it's still there, and it does
> change you."
>
>
> > From LHRunkle, a self-described geek Mom: 
>
> "?my six-year old wonders why he isn't popular on the block, but does not
> enjoy racing his bike, or playing soccer. (Soccer is becoming fun.)  He
> also wonders why noone else is reading the books he is. The online
> community did not exist when I was in high school, but geek culture did. 
> Dungeons & Dragons (the original three-booklet set) and science fiction
> saved me.
>
> "How many scared parents have taken the time to introduce their child to
> the items that kept them sane in high school? How many high school
> libraries are even allowed to stock Theodore Sturgeon, or all of Robert
> Heinlein? Before we go to Net culture, we need to face local culture.  How
> many schools enforce a respect-for-all policy, and enforce it fairly? I
> know that I have a budding geek, and if I can get him sane through the
> next thirteen years, there will be another decent adult on this planet." 
>
>
> > From Simon: 
>
> "The mainstream is missing the point. All over the world, "geeks" are
> standing up and saying "This is horrible and I know what cause it" and all
> over the world people are saying "Oh, my God! Another killer!" I'll spell
> it out: "The killers are a symptom of the alienation of an unrecognized
> minority - the geeks." No, that doesn't make it right. No, that doesn't
> mean a thousand more killers are lurking in the computer rooms of your
> schools.
>
> "Failure to understand this severely limits your ability to correct it. I
> read with dismay that geeks are being cut off from the Internet and
> violent online games so that they "won't become killers." 
>
> Follow my logic here: 
>
> "Given: The killers were motivated in no small part by alienation. 
> Reducing a persons contact with like-minded people increases their
> alienation. Reducing a person's sense of identify increases their sense of
> alienation. Geeks tend to communicate with each other via the Internet and
> online games.
>
> "Conclusion: Cutting geeks off from each other (Internet access)  and
> their identity (choice of clothing) will increase rather than decrease the
> likelihood of violence."
>
> "I've been wracking my brain to figure out what stopped me (from hurting
> someone). I've been asking myself "what can I hand to people to fix this?"
> The answer is very simple. The faces are very clear in my memory of the
> few "popular people" who took the time to talk to me and find out about
> me. There are maybe a half a dozen. They showed me that they were people
> too.
>
> I heard a report, it may not be true [it is] that one of the killers went
> and told one of his classmates before the killing, "I like you. Go home."
> If that happened if you are that person, you know that your attitude saved
> your life. If there were a few more like you, maybe it would have saved
> everyone." 
>
>
> > From Armadillo: 
>
> " I thought I had put this behind me but I obviously haven't.  This whole
> past week has really torn me up inside because 15 years ago, I was one of
> those kids. Because HS for me was sheer and utter Hell. I have no single
> memory that I can recall as being good. 
>
> I have no single person who I can recall as a friend. Hell, even the OTHER
> rejects kicked me around. I feel like I'm seeing this all through the eyes
> of a refugee from a war, who by some circumstance is rescued, taken off to
> a land far from the conflict, far from the danger and death and constant
> fear and destruction.
>
> Years later, after having made some personal peace with the past, if not
> the people, they hear or see a report that their former home town or
> village has been bombed and the people they knew killed and it all comes
> flooding back.
>
> "Why is it that we as geeks, freaks, nerds, dorks, dweebs'have to suffer
> while the clueless, bow-headed, tostosterone poisoned "normal"  people are
> allowed to get away with murder'I wonder just how many outcasts have been
> driven to suicide because of just one too many tauntings or practical
> jokes on a particular afternoon?
>
> "Why do we murder the spirits of our most gifted and talented young
> people? THEY are the ones that are our future. THEY are the ones that are
> best equipped to build the world to their hopes and dreams. The prom
> queens and cheerleaders will have their 15 minutes and then take their
> places among the teeming masses of consumers. They have already shown they
> want to be lead around and are more than happy to let society tell them
> where to go and what to do."
>
>
> > From Nick: 
>
> " I'm a junior in high school in a suburb of.... I felt that in light of
> what happened last Tuesday and your recent article on Slashdot, I should
> respond. Recently, one of my friends, Chris, was suspended for three days.
> He's an athlete (football and shotput), but is no means considered a
> "jock" as he plays computer games, reads fantasy novels, plays Warhammer
> 40K, etc. One person, Ryan, considered a "nerd" by his peers, mislabeled
> him [Chris} as a jock and decided to taunt him verbally. Chris is normally
> a nice guy who's never been in a fight before, as he gets along with most
> students. This verbal abuse continued for almost the entire school year so
> far.
>
> Last Thursday, Chris slapped Ryan upside the head due to a particularly
> nasty thing that was said and Ryan picked up a chair, shouting death
> threats and swears. They were quickly broken up by the teacher and hall
> monitors, and were escorted to the dean's office.
>
> Normally, each would only get a 1 day in-school suspension for what they
> did, but due to the incident in Colorado, each got three days and
> counseling by the school psychiatrist for the remainder of the year. The
> deans obviously overreacted, given the circumstances. What the main
> problem is here is that years of torment in people like Ryan's lives have
> led to such "classes" -- Goths, nerds, freaks, preps, etc.  People form
> together in cliques where people are distinctly filed into the social
> pecking order. The high school situation could (and is) leading to a
> French Revolution-esque "class war" where social outcasts decide to say
> enough with the years of torment. Unfortunately, this is happening sooner
> than we think.
>
>
> > From Sally: 
>
> "The irony in the current coverage, at least to me, is that I remember my
> leather-jacketed, spiky-haired, combat-boot wearing friends as being for
> the most part peaceful, gentle, sensitive types - lots of vegetarians and
> anti-nuke people. Sure, there were a few who probably could have benefited
> from some therapy, but most of them were - and are - the nicest, kindest
> people I knew, despite their rather alarming appearance.  After all, we
> had to be like that - we all knew what it felt like to be shoved in a
> locker, spit on, have stuff thrown at us, etc. I seem to remember the
> football players and other jocks as being a lot more violent and given to
> fits of rage and other displays of aggression.
>
> ... I certainly agree that the two shooters in Littleton were deranged
> boys filled with hate, But it's a fine line between a supposedly
> "well-adjusted" teenager [who bashes freaks] and a disturbed one."
>
>
> > From Matthew C in Wisconsin: 
>
> "I, like many of the Slashdot audience, was one of those those kids in
> high school, and junior high, and elementary school. I have suffered what
> those kids suffered, and continue to suffer. I made it through, but
> apparently not everyone does. The response to your article seems to
> suggest that there are many of us out there who want to help do something
> to curb the backlash to focus on the correct issue. I was wondering, in
> your surely large catalogue of responses to this column, have you found
> any hints of where we might send letters? Or who we might contact, to
> start telling people what the real problems are? 
>
> I want to help. I want to write, to talk, to help ensure that geeks of
> today and tomorrow aren't further persecuted for pursuing differences from
> the norm. We have to spread the word far and wide, teachers, parents and
> people who should know better than to ban trenchcoats, take away
> computers, and further drive their kids into depression and isolation. How
> can we organize something meaningful?"