IP: HUMOR: ENRON ADMITS IT'S REALLY ARGENTINA

[David Farber <dave () farber net>]

> Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 09:56:41 -0800
> To: farber () dsl cis upenn edu
> From: Denise Caruso <caruso () hybridvigor org>
> Subject: HUMOR: ENRON ADMITS IT'S REALLY ARGENTINA
>
>
> From a friend at World Bank.
>
>
> > ENRON ADMITS IT'S REALLY ARGENTINA
>
> > Now Massive Ineptitude, Corruption Make More Sense, Analysts Say
> >
> >
> > Houston, Texas - Collapsed due to gross mismanagement and
> > insurmountable debt, energy company Enron today confessed to what many
> > observers had long suspected: it is actually Argentina.
> >
> > Congressional leaders, who have called for an investigation into the
> > biggest corporate failure in U.S. history, immediately dismissed
> > Enron's claim, but Argentineans weren't so sure. "The shady deals. The
> > crazy debt. I knew there was something familiar about those guys," said
> > Banco del Argentina director Ernesto Caballo.
> >
> > Enron chairman and CEO Kenneth Lay, speaking through an interpreter via
> > phone from Buenos Aires, apologized for any confusion the subterfuge
> > may have caused, and noted that as a sovereign nation, the company was
> > immune from U.S. prosecution. Lay also insisted that he had not "fled"
> > to Argentina, but had returned home to the capital to visit "mi
> > familia."
> >
> > While not directly stating it, Lay also hinted that he might in fact be
> > Argentinian President Fernando de la Rua. Reached in Buenos Aires, de
> > la Rua admitted he couldn't rule that out. "Things are pretty crazy
> > around here. Who can say?"
> >
> > But Enron creditors, clients, and shareholders, who stand to lose
> > billions over their exposure to the company, weren't buying any of it.
> > "While they may act like it, they are not a South American country, and
> > Ken Lay is not the President of Argentina," declared J.P. Morgan Chase
> > spokesman Alex Firtilly. "They are a malfeasant U.S. corporation that
> > has potentially caused us to lose $500 million. And Ken Lay is from
> > Missouri."
> >
> > "¿Como?," Lay replied. "No hablo Ingles."
> >
> > As proof of his Argentinian roots, Enron CEO Ken Lay faxed an image
> > showing him as a member of the 1978 World Cup champions.
> >
> > Recently ranked as high as No. 7 on the Fortune 500 list of the largest
> > U.S. companies, Enron literally ran itself into the ground by fudging
> > its books, making secretive deals that enriched company insiders, and
> > relying too heavily on debt. Though it was formed in 1986 with the
> > merger of Houston Natural Gas and InterNorth, Enron became Argentina
> > only recently, said Lay, "on the advice of our attorneys."
> >
> > That counsel came none too soon. As a South American state, all pending
> > U.S. and European lawsuits are rendered harmless. And the company
> > escapes what had been a daily fusillade of scorn from its former home.
> >
> > Indeed, much as the French were baffled by America's obsession with
> > President Clinton's sexual affairs, many South Americans say they don't
> > understand why Enron and its leaders have been vilified. As former
> > Colombian President Ernesto Samper explained: "In the United States,
> > you look at corruption as an abomination. We look at it as an art."
> >
> > EXTRADITION DENIED
> >
> > The U.S. State Department has refused to recognize Enron as Argentina,
> > and a spokesman said the Bush administration has officially requested
> > the extradition of Lay and the officers who allegedly fled with him.
> > Argentina, however, denied the request, explaining that an entire
> > country cannot be extradited. And besides, they added, Lay had pledged
> > to help pay off the nation's $132 billion debt.
> >
> > Asked where the bankrupt Enron got such a sum, Lay explained that after
> > proclaiming its nationhood status, the company had received an
> > emergency IMF loan. An IMF spokesman later confirmed the payment.
> >
> > "From what we knew of their fiduciary practices, Enron appeared to have
> > all the hallmarks of a typical IMF fundee," said IMF communications
> > director Nestor Svingen. "At first, we did balk when they asked for
> > $232 billion, but when they explained that some of the money would go
> > to repay overdue IMF loans, we thought, 'Oh, that's all right then.'"
> >
> > "Not that we actually expect to see any money from anyone," Svingen
> > added. "It's just this little game we all play. Great fun if you like
> > numbers. Do you enjoy quadratic equations? I could do them all day."
> >
> > Asked what Enron/Argentina had pledged to do with the extra $100
> > billion it requested, Svingen said the application had specified
> > funding for "civic infrastructure improvements."
> >
> > "That usually means the president is going to build a palace," Svingen
> > explained.
>
> --
> Denise Caruso
> Founder & Executive Director
> The Hybrid Vigor Institute
> +1 415.543.8113 vox/fax
> http://hybridvigor.org

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