IP: RFC 1882 (for real) The 12-Days of Technology Before

[Dave Farber <farber () central cis upenn edu>]

Network Working Group                                         B. Hancock


Request for Comments: 1882       Network-1 Software and Technology, Inc.


Category: Informational                                    December 1995










               The 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas






Status of this Memo






   This memo provides information for the Internet community.  This memo


   does not specify an Internet standard of any kind.  Distribution of


   this memo is unlimited.






Discussion






   On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree


          anyway?)






   On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is


          going on?)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a


          10GB database!)






   On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Three French users (who, of course, think they know


          everything)


          Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all


          over the net)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)






   On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over


          and over)


          Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over


          trivial things?)


          Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones


          they are?)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a


          pointer error?)










































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RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995










   On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than


          silver!)


          Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on


          hold?


          Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why


          do you ask?)


          Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I


          would know which ones to fix!)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are


          you nuts?!?!)






   On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)


          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")


          Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR?


          Damn!)


          Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page


          to the screen...)


          Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're


          in the ceiling!)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this


          was written?)






   On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Seven license failures (Expired? When?)


          Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to


          each other!)


          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide"


          SCSI?)


          Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this


          time...)


          Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an


          "any" key, but...)


          Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would


          set it myself!)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk


          to Lars - NOW!)






















































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RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995










   On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security


          violation!)


          Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)


          Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on


          updates?!?)


          Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be


          fast, isn't it?)


          Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer


          me back - DAMN!)


          Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to


          end a program)


          Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling


          transceiver"?)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English


          in Oslo?)






   On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the


          servers?)


          Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)


          Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)


          Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the


          network?)


          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same


          ID?)


          Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that


          already.)


          Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do


          you ask?)


          Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find


          Lars!  L-A-R-S!)










































































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RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995










   On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)


          Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens


          room? Why?)


          Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow


          Internet here!)


          Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)


          Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator


          for Lotus! )


          Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)


          Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number


          before...)


          Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head


          crash!)


          Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power


          connection?)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index


          pointers?)






   On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)


          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an


          extension?)


          Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room


          tiles in mauve?)


          Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate


          dial-in?)


          Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we


          have?!?!)


          Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)


          Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I


          wouldn't be calling!)


          Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your


          credit rating!)


          Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet


          again!)


          Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector


          is bad?)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of


          that!)














































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RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995










   On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:


          Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be


          two!)


          Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to


          do, anyway?)


          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look


          like XMas lights.)


          Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics


          before backups?)


          Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during


          business hours.)


          Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know


          it.)


          Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)


          Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't


          even boot!)


          Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end


          up with you!)


          Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude


          screen backgrounds!)


          Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token


          ring...)


          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo,


          Norway.  We were just talking and were cut off...)






Security Considerations






   Security issues are not discussed in this memo.






Author's Address






   Bill Hancock, Ph.D.


   Network-1 Software & Technology, Inc.


   DFW Research Center


   878 Greenview Dr.


   Grand Prairie, TX  75050






   EMail: hancock () network-1 com


   Phone: (214) 606-8200


   Fax: (214) 606-8220














































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