Politically Correct Unix (fwd) -- time to smile

[David Farber <farber () central cis upenn edu>]

:An alert subscriber passed this along. Adoption of this terminology
:will be made part of ISO-900<n> requirements. After you have learned
:them, you will be frozen into a block of ice and the UL logo
:will be carved into you with an electric chainsaw.
:
:-the Editors
:
:
:In article t7u () homer cs mcgill ca, xanorth () marge cs mcgill ca (Xanorth
WILFARN
:) writes:
:>
:>This joke was originally posted (as far as I know) by
:>John Valenti of the Michigan State University.
:>
:>
:>In order for UNIX(tm) to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of
:>its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible
:>with the existing standards of our day.  To this end, our technicians
:>have come up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC
-
:>that is, the "Politically Correct."
:>
:>   Politically Correct UNIX
:>   System VI Release notes
:>
:>UTILITIES:
:>
:>"man" pages are now called "person" pages.
:>
:>Similarly, "hangman" is now the
:>"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime."
:>
:>To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command
is
:>now merely "domestic_quadruped."
:>
:>To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the
:>male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no.  To
:>address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a
:>"-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is
:>ignored.
:>
:>The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by
:>the more neutral "gendre" command.
:>
:>The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution
due
:>to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.
:>
:>"compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command.
:>Thus, old information (such as that from Dead White European Males)
:>should be archived via "tar" and "feather".
:>
:>The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan
:>era.  System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" command.
:>
:>The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly
:>"LaTeX".
:>
:>SHELL COMMANDS:
:>
:>To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has
been
:>renamed "euthanise."
:>
:>The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give
:>themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be
:>"nice". In System VI, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users
:>to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones.
:>
:>"history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory."
:>
:>"quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be
:>strictly enforced.
:>
:>The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."
:>
:>TERMINOLOGY:
:>
:>>From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as
:>"exploitive capitalist text".
:>
:>The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative.  Such processes
:>will now be known as "spiritual guides."
:>
:>There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and
:>"smart" terminals.  All terminals are equally valuable.
:>
:>Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was
white
:>on black.  This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly
:>with respect to  people of African descent.  UNIX System VI now uses
:>"regressive video" to refer to white on black, while "progressive
:>video" can be any color at all over a white background.
:>
:>For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root"
:>and his "wheel" oligarchy.  We have instituted a dictatorship of the
:>users.  All system administration functions will be handled by the
:>People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS).
:>
:>No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned"
:>by users.  All files and processes will own themselves, and decided
how
:>(or whether) to respond to requests from users.
:>
:>The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window
:>System.
:>
:>And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively
:>Challenged.
:>- ----
:>UNIX(tm) is a trademark of UNIX System Laboratories.  Any similarty of
:>names or attitudes to that of any person, living or dead, is purely
:>coincidental.
:>- --
:>
:>
:>--
:>-------------------------------------------------
:>______
:>\ \/ / Xanorth                    Licorne Blanche
:> \/\/  Wilfarn               xanorth () cs mcgill ca
:
: