Notice to all employees

[Stephen Menard <smenard () nbnet nb ca>]

-------- Original Message --------
Subject:        FW: Notice to all employees
Date:   Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:42:20 -0300


Subject: Notice to all employees
Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2009 13:06:14 -0500


 
Dear employees,

 

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the 
economy, Management has decided to

implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early 
retirement. This scheme will be known

as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

 

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for 
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help

After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will 
be reviewed under the SCREW

programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED 
once, SHAFTED twice and

SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

 

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for 
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES

(Half Eamings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

 

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED 
any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT 
(Special High Intensity Training) as

possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it 
gives employees. Should you feel that

you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your 
Supervisor. They have been trained to give

you all the SHIT you can handle.

 

Sincerely,

 

The Managemt
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