iDEFENSE - An Employee Interview

[<dicktheft () hushmail com>]

i recently had the pleasure of interviewing richard johnson via his 
aol 
account about his recent contributions to the security community 
(aka 
dltrace).  it's nice to see that idefense can manufacture advance 
tools 
for auditing (beginner level IDA scripts, plugins that emulate 
existing
software functionality for that same program, reverse engineering 
tools)
which seem to have assisted them in uncovering some of the most 
shoking
software security holes to date (especially that sendmail smrsh 
bypass
thingy).  i'm not sure if i'm the only one baffled at the 
uselessness of
the research actually generated by these experts, but i suppose it 
does
properly build faith in the revolutionary tools that have been used 
and
erected to continue said endeavors.

(note to reader: richard johnson is the original founder of gobbles 
 security, has been writing exploits pre-1992 AD, was the first man 
 to compose mendelssohn's concerto in e minor for violin, had the 
 morris worm named after him, and perhaps his most important
 contribution to society - he was the first man to rape a monkey in
 africa, and is singlehandedly responsible for the global outbreak 
of 
 the aids virus)

since most of you probably won't read this entire useless 
conversation,
first we will skip to the highlight for the impatient, and then 
leave 
the entire transcript for those who are fans of our anal penetrator.

****data the dicktheft johnson: i dont think it was ready for 
release, but sutton wanted it pushed out****

basically, the reason that this wonderful tool (dltrace) doesn't 
work
at all right now is that dick's boss, mike sutton, forced him to 
release it early.  apparently this sutton fool is too stupid to be 
able
to evaluate the readiness of his subordinate's SECURITY PRODUCT and 
we,
the public, should not be overly critical of dick's uselessly limp 
tool,
since after all it's only the fault of his boss...

.... in other words, the cause of the dick's premature release was 
the
over eagerness of his boss.

mike - sometimes you gotta spend more time on foreplay with the 
dudes, 
otherwise you end up with a real sticky situation and a mess on your
hands.  and sometimes, you just gotta wash your hands of that mess 
before the odor is noticed by everyone. . . 

without further ado, here is the actual interview!

interviewer: hey gobbles how's it going
interviewer: good work on writing a tool less functional than gnu 
ltrace
interviewer: the ratio of the code you claimed is yours to the code 
that you acknowledge wasn't is probably pretty close to the flesh 
to feces ratio o
n your genitals
interviewer: are you proud of your work gobbles
interviewer: are you planning on adding a princessj easter egg 
feature to the next release
interviewer: wow if i were funnier i could make another joke with 
the word "release"
interviewer: and i bet i could do something funny with egg
interviewer: but i'm no dick the datatheft gobbles johnson
interviewer: we're going to call you dicktheft from now on
interviewer: i used to think that it was the drugs that lead to 
your technical incompetence, but then after looking at an 
innovative project like elfs
h, which is written by someone who probably smokes an entire kilo 
of marijuana a day, i'm confident that you're just stupid and not 
stoned stupid
interviewer: maybe have skape rip some elfsh features for you 
sometime so you can incorporate it into your groundbreaking 1992 
era technologies
interviewer: and impress someone
interviewer: someone dumb of course
interviewer: hey dicktheft are you there
interviewer: i'm looking forward to your blackhat asia presentation
interviewer: i'm bringing my techncial support staff to belittle you
interviewer: but unlike defcon last summer, we'll make sure the 
public knows that we'll be there ahead of time, so when you make a 
quick run off the s
tage everyone will laugh at you!!!!!!
interviewer: HAAHAHAHAHA
interviewer: remember, suicide's always the way out of these things
interviewer: good luck with life
interviewer: suicide will help you maintain control bro
interviewer: never forget it
interviewer: hey
interviewer: before i go
interviewer: someone just suggested your new official hacker name be
interviewer: Data The Dick Theft Johnson
interviewer: how do you like that one
interviewer: "hehe i'll dick theft your data"
interviewer: i love it
data the dicktheft johnson: I wasnt expecting to impress you guys, 
but thanks for the feedback. good to see you still care
data the dicktheft johnson: i dont think it was ready for release, 
but sutton wanted it pushed out 
interviewer: you've had a while to formulate a response i hope it's 
good
interviewer: i think you're ready for release 
data the dicktheft johnson: sorry, thats all i've got. 
interviewer: yeah must suck to be a pro plagarist and not be able 
to come up with timely retorts
data the dicktheft johnson: no argument or defense here. it should 
be a bit more functional when it gets to a 1.0 release
data the dicktheft johnson: i dont feel the need to come up with 
retorts. i'm really busy and have lost interest in what you guys 
have to say
interviewer: how long until it has the functionality of ltrace
data the dicktheft johnson: it's capable of doing a lot of things 
ltrace cant
interviewer: like not working?
interviewer: does it have harddisk support yet?
data the dicktheft johnson: sure, like i said, its not really ready 
for release. it works on some configurations and does produce some 
useful traces w
hen looking at closed src libs 
interviewer: if it suspports harddisks it'll be more advanced than 
grsecurity
interviewer: good work on that defacement btw
data the dicktheft johnson: eh brad said some of his friends did it 
as a joke. had to haev the admin of the box change it ;-)
data the dicktheft johnson: grsec is rock solid 
data the dicktheft johnson: compared to anything else at least
interviewer: yeah by your auditting standards your penis is 
probably rock solid
interviewer: which is probably true in a room of young asian boys
data the dicktheft johnson: good one
data the dicktheft johnson: i dont know or care who you are. i'm 
not so sure why you care so much about what i do
data the dicktheft johnson: or why insulting me is fun for you 
interviewer: did you ever see the slides to your presentation in 
spain?
interviewer: hey are the pax bugs rock solid too
data the dicktheft johnson: but regardless, i'm sure some people 
will find value in the next version. 
interviewer: like the vma mirroring bug
interviewer: i see that didn't come up in your audit of the software
interviewer: how'd you miss something that simple
data the dicktheft johnson: i figgured i'd get some fun responses
interviewer: i'm pretty sure anyone that spells figured wrong 
didn't get a 1550 on their SAT
data the dicktheft johnson: slides to my presentation in spain? 
interviewer: yeah they rocked
interviewer: later dude
data the dicktheft johnson: later


ps: iDEFENSE - my friend and i both read this list sometimes and 
we're 
sick to death of your useless announcements and software release 
notifications made to this list, and we're sick of the random 
bullshit your clearly retarded employees feel like sharing with 
this list (kurt, let dicktheft theft your dick and shut up please). 
 seriously, working for a company that seems to only employ the 
retarded, doesn't make you intelligent or respected.

bless all the readers of this list, and remember - GOD SAVES! :)

***greetz 2 ron1n***



Concerned about your privacy? Follow this link to get
secure FREE email: http://www.hushmail.com/?l=2

Free, ultra-private instant messaging with Hush Messenger
http://www.hushmail.com/services-messenger?l=434

Promote security and make money with the Hushmail Affiliate Program: 
http://www.hushmail.com/about-affiliate?l=427

_______________________________________________
Dailydave mailing list
Dailydave () lists immunitysec com
https://lists.immunitysec.com/mailman/listinfo/dailydave