FC: The Onion: Terrifying surveillance bill passed during NBA playoffs

[Declan McCullagh <declan () well com>]

[Humor. I think. --Declan]


http://www.theonion.com/onion3920/terrifying_bill_passed.html

   VOLUME 39 ISSUE 20
   AMERICA'S FINEST NEWS SOURCE
   28 MAY 2003

   Terrifying Bill Passed During NBA Playoffs

   WASHINGTON, DC--With the nation safely distracted by the NBA playoffs,
   Congress passed the terrifying Citizenship Redefinition And
   Income-Based Relocation Act of 2003 with little opposition Monday.
   Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist

   "This piece of legislation is essential, both for more efficient
   implementation of the New American Ideal and to give law enforcement
   the broad discretionary powers necessary to enforce certain vital
   civil and behavioral mandates," said U.S. Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN),
   addressing an empty press room Sunday, midway through game four of the
   NBA Eastern Conference finals. "We are confident that Americans will
   embrace this law, should they eventually realize it has been passed."

   H.R. 2395 was introduced to Congress on May 15 during the fourth
   quarter of the San Antonio Spurs' 110-82 victory over the
   defending-champion Los Angeles Lakers in the deciding game of the
   Western Conference semifinals.

   Andy Guthridge of Savannah, GA, is among the estimated 240 million
   Americans unaware of the sweeping package of civil-liberties
   curtailments, voting-privilege re-qualifications, and mandatory
   relocation of the working poor to the Dakotas.

   "Man, I was so glad to see the Lakers finally get knocked off," said
   Guthridge, who was glued to TNT while the bill's passage aired on
   C-SPAN. "Shaq and Kobe and the rest of those dicks have had it coming
   for a long time."

   [...]




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