FC: U.S. readies "Iraqi PATRIOT Act" to protect democracy, freedom

[Declan McCullagh <declan () well com>]

[this is humor]

----- Forwarded message from Tim May -----

From: Tim May
Subject: Model legislation proposed for Iraq
To: cypherpunks
Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2003 22:12:02 -0700
X-Mailer: Apple Mail (2.551)

BAGHDAD (Routers) -- A team of Coalition legislators, lawyers, 
prosecutors, and judges has been air-dropped into Firbol Square to take 
charge of Saddam's statue's head and to prepare Iraqi democracy for the 
post-liberation era.

Copies of the suggested model legislation were distributed to reporters 
outside the Tel Aviv Hotel (formerly the Palestine Hotel). Copies were 
made on French copiers looted from the Ministry of Information.

Some of the items in the model legislation include:

* passage of the "Iraqi PATRIOT Act." This Act would ban speech deemed 
harmful to the nation, would allow jailing of material witnesses and 
other illegal combatants without charges, would declare Islam to be a 
terror-related cult, and would basically be much more efficient that 
the primitive tools used by Saddam.

* establishment of a dual-party system and the lobbyists and graft 
collectors necessary to make such a system work. The names of the 
parties have not been finalized, but at least one of them will likely 
be called "The Republican Guard."

* a change in the name of the Ministry of Information to "Department of 
Homeland Security." It is suggested that the current Minister of 
Information, aka Baghdad Bob, be named Secretary of Homeland Security.

* restrictions on terrorist use of cryptography (in other words, use of 
cryptography by non-governmental bodies).

* a national ID system based on the system in use in Coalition countries

* an extensive system of surveillance cameras similar to the one 
deployed in the United Kingdom, a Coalition principal

* a recommendation that Al-Jazeera and Al-Arabia reporters face charges 
of sedition for illegally reporting events not intended to be reported

* strong new restrictions on pornography, smut, and hate speech

* a nationwide smoking ban


[rest of model legislation at www.coalition.gov/ourplan]

----- End forwarded message -----



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