Code Red -- the soft drink, not the worm

[InfoSec News <isn () c4i org>]

http://www.vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=373&page=4

by Rob Rosenberger
08/18/01

A WALL STREET Journal reporter filed a story yesterday about Code Red.
Not the worm -- the soft drink. I quote:

When two Orange County, Calif., computer programmers last month named
a computer virus they had discovered "Code Red," after the cherry soda
they had been chugging, they gave PepsiCo's new soft drink global
brand recognition money can't buy. The supersweet, cherry-flavored
brand extension of Mountain Dew, which hit shelves in May, became the
fifth-most-popular soft drink sold at convenience stores and gas
stations in July. That's a feat, considering Code Red is only
available in single-serve sizes and has yet to be advertised on
television.

Ryan Permeh, a programmer at eEye Digital Security, Aliso Viejo,
Calif., says he and his colleague ["chief hacking officer" Marc
Maiffret] were "inches away" from calling the new virus they
discovered the "tequila worm"... PepsiCo later sent Permeh and the
other programmer five cases of Code Red in appreciation.

Awww, how nice! PepsiCo sent five cases of soda to eEye as a token of
appreciation. I'm glad somebody outside the security industry profited
from the predicted "meltdown" of the Internet. Did I mention Mello
Yello is the official soft drink of Vmyths.com? You can hear a plug
for it (complete with burp) in one of my recent audio columns. Yes,
when I'm done ranting about an elitist antivirus cartel that rules the
computing world in conjunction with an incompetent government agency
that uses the media in order to keep people stupid, my throat gets
parched! That's why I drink Mello Yello.

[Credit where due: I stole the "throat gets parched" joke from the
late comedian Bill Hicks.]

Memo to Coca-Cola Inc.: please send a token of appreciation to
Vmyths.com Product Placement Dept., 68 Cumberland St., Suite 300, P.O.
Box 748, Woonsocket, RI 02895. A stack of two-liter coupons will
suffice.

Naturally, PepsiCo isn't alone when it comes to "beneficial" computer
security threats. The Kournikova virus did more for Anna Kournikova's
career than her bra endorsement ever did. Every savvy female college
tennis player now wants a deadly ber-virus named after her.

Memo to Sammy Hagar: you gotta admit I did a great job when I linked
the phrase "tequila worm" (see above) to your "red rocker" tequila
page. Code Red, red rocker, get it? Please send your token of
appreciation to the same addr-- no waitaminit, send it directly to me
instead. Vmyths.com Editorial Dept., 214 8th Avenue S., P.O. Box 50,
Wellman, IA 52356. One autographed bottle will suffice.

I can't wait to discover another computer security threat of my very
own. I think I'll name it "the De Beers virus" -- those folks will
show they love me for the next thousand years...

SPEAKING OF ENDORSEMENTS: I'd like to take a moment to talk about
LogiCerv and their unique QuadCerv box. They squeezed four independent
servers into a 1U rackmount chassis. Four monitors, four keyboards,
four mice, and four Ethernet jacks all connect to a 1U chassis. Look
to LogiCerv when space is a limiting factor.

Okay, we got that endorsement[1] out of the way! Memo to LogiCerv:
please send four tokens of appreciation (that's 16 servers total) to
our editorial address. While you're at it, why don't you toss in a
prototype 1U rackmount 800GB NAS device?

Memo to Network Associates: thank you for your $1,000 token of
appreciation.

Memo to Ann's Bra Shop: you'll find a link to your website on this
page, plus here and here. No need to thank me -- it was good for me,
too! If anything, I should thank you for "erecting" those billboards
near St. Louis.

Hmmm. You know, eEye & I could make it easier to receive tokens of
appreciation if we started our own Amazon.com wish lists...


[1] http://vmyths.com/rant.cfm?id=374&page=4

8/18/01 clarification 
by Vea Culpa

Rob Rosenberger's 8/18/01 column included humorous unsolicited
endorsements for various products. Neither Vmyths.com nor Rosenberger
has a quid pro quo relationship with any company mentioned in the
column.

Full disclosure: one of the mentioned companies (LogiCerv) learned of
Rosenberger's latest antivirus experiment through a third party. The
firm approached him early this year with the idea of sponsoring his
project. A quid pro quo relationship may someday form between
Rosenberger & LogiCerv.



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