Google pizza

["Dave Farber" <farber () gmail com>]

Begin forwarded message:

> From: "Kobrin, Stephen J" <kobrins () wharton upenn edu>
> Date: April 8, 2018 at 10:01:46 PM EDT
> To: David Farber <ip () listbox com>
> Subject: Google pizza
>
> I suspect we are here.
>
>
> > > > >  Ordering a pizza :  CALLER:  Is this Gordon's Pizza?
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  No sir, it's Google Pizza.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  OK. I would like to order a pizza.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  Do you want your usual, sir?
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  My usual? You know me?
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large
> > > > >  pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  OK! That’s what I want …
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole 
> > > > > wheat
> > > > >  gluten-free thin crust?
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  What? I detest vegetables..
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  How the hell do you know?
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood 
> > > > > tests for
> > > > >  the last 7 years.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > > Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According  to our database, you only purchased a 
> > > > > box of 30 cholesterol
> > > > >  tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
> > > > >
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  I bought more from another drugstore.
> > > > >
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  I paid in cash.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > > But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  I have other sources of cash.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE:
> > > > >  That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is 
> > > > > against the law.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER: 
> > > > >  WHAT THE HELL?
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  CALLER:
> > > > >  Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others I'm
> > > > >  going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy
> > > > >  on me.
> > > > >  
> > > > >  GOOGLE: 
> > > > >  I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.
> > > > >  It expired 6 weeks ago….    
>
> This message was sent to the list address and trashed, but can be found online.



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