IP: -- a bit of humor a follow up to your e-mail on tests for 16 year olds

[David Farber <dave () farber net>]

> Date: Tue, 29 Jan 2002 00:39:23 -0800 (PST)
> From: Alexander Haari <akatako () yahoo com>
> Subject: a follow up to your e-mail on tests for 16 year olds
> To: dave () farber net
>
> The following were answers provided by 6th graders
> during a history test.
> Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the
> misspelling.
>
> 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all
> wrote in hydraulics.
> They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
> Sarah is such that all
> the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
> 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
> they made unleavened
> bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
> Moses went up on Mount
> Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he
> ever reached Canada.
>
> 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
> porcupines.
>
> 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
> without them we wouldn't
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
> female moth.
>
> 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around
> giving people advice.
> They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
> wedlock. After his death,
> his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
> 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
> hurled biscuits, and threw
> the java.
>
> 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
> battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
> of March murdered him because they thought he was
> going to be made king.
> Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
> 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
> by Bernard Shaw.
>
> 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
> she was a success. When
> she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
> "hurrah."
>
> 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
> Gutenberg invented
> removable type and the Bible. Another important
> invention was the circulation
> of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
> because he invented
> cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake
> circumsized the world with
> a 100-foot clipper.
>
> 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
> Shakespeare. He was
> born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He
> never made much money
> and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
> tragedies, comedies, and
> hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
> Juliet are an example of
> a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by
> Juliet.
>
> 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
> Cervantes. He wrote
> Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
> Milton wrote Paradise
> Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
> Regained.
>
> 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
> Contented Congress.
> Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were
> two singers of the
> Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
> electricity by rubbing two
> cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against
> itself cannot stand."
> Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
> 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
> Precedent. Lincoln's mother
> died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which
> he built with his own
> hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
> Emasculation
> Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
> went to the theater and
> got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
> picture show. They
> believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
> supposingly insane actor. This
> ruined Booth's career.
>
> 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
> compositions and had a large
> number of children. In between he practiced on an old
> spinster which he kept
> up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
> Bach was the most famous
> composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was
> half German, half
> Italian, and half English. He was very large. <~~
> hehe, cute
>
> 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
> was so deaf he wrote
> loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
> everyone was calling
> for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
> this.
>
> 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
> thoughts and
> inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and
> started reproducing by
> machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a
> network of rivers to spring
> up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper,
> which did the work of a
> hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for
> rabbits. Charles Darwin was
> a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
> Madman Curie discovered the
> radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Great stuff seeking new owners in Yahoo! Auctions!
> http://auctions.yahoo.com

For archives see:
http://www.interesting-people.org/archives/interesting-people/