IP: Some badly needed humor, such as it is - Fwd: Apple Breakup

[David Farber <dave () farber net>]

> Date: Fri, 2 Nov 2001 11:35:09 -0800
> To: Dave Farber <farber () cis upenn edu>
> From: Einar Stefferud <stef () nma com>
>
>
> > Subject: Apple Breakup
> >
> >  >From http://www.satirewire.com/news/0111/microsoft_settlement.shtml
> >
> > CASE SETTLED: JUSTICE TO BREAK UP APPLE FOR TURNING MICROSOFT INTO MONOPOLY
> > Alternative OS Maker Used Anti-Competitive Practices Against Itself
> >
> > Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) - Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department
> > today announced a settlement in their landmark anti-trust case that calls
> > for the break up of Apple Computer, as both sides agreed Apple's history of
> > "self-inflicted, anti-competitive" management practices is primarily to
> > blame for turning Microsoft into an illegal monopoly.
> >
> > "We had already won the case, so we were thinking in terms of penalties, and
> > when you do that, it is imperative that you punish those most responsible,"
> > said Assistant U.S. Attorney General Charles James. "Well, we couldn't
> > ignore that since its inception, Apple had numerous opportunities to
> > dominate the operating system market, but instead, management incompetence
> > and arrogance resulted in decisions that gave us the Microsoft we know
> > today."
> >
> > "We believe it's time for Apple to pay for that market manipulation," he
> > added.
> >
> > In a press conference supporting the settlement, Microsoft Chairman Bill
> > Gates tearfully recalled "disturbing, half-blocked memories" of a young
> > Microsoft's life.
> >
> > "We never wanted to become a monopoly, but (Apple) pretty much forced us
> > into it," said an obviously bitter Gates. "Everybody knew they had the best
> > computer. Everybody knew they had the best operating system. But what did
> > they do? Time and time again, they let us win."
> >
> > "I didn't recognize it at first. I thought they were genuinely trying," he
> > added. "But when they came out with the Newton, I should have known they
> > were purposely steering us toward market domination. I feel... used."
> >
> > Attorneys general from 18 states, which had originally sought aggressive
> > penalties against Microsoft, said they were satisfied with the agreement,
> > and noted that Microsoft likely would have won on appeal by claiming
> > entrapment.
> >
> > "We could have punished Microsoft, but that wouldn't have solved the
> > problem. Apple would still be around to do it all over again," said
> > Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal. "No, you can either
> > penalize the monster, or you can penalize Dr. Frankenstein. We choose the
> > latter."
> >
> > Under the agreement, Apple must pay for all of Microsoft's legal fees, and
> > will be allowed to continue making one only one product. Reached at Apple's
> > headquarters, CEO Steve Jobs said he had not decided what product that would
> > be, but was leaning toward the new iPod MP3 music player, "because we've
> > invested heavily in it, and it's probably not going to sell."
> >
> > In the anti-trust case, Microsoft had been charged with using unfair tactics
> > to crush competition and restrict choice by manipulating computer
> > manufacturers and consumers into using Microsoft's operating systems and
> > browsers. None of this would have happened, Constitutional scholars agreed,
> > if Apple hadn't made "so many amazingly bad business moves" over the years.
> >
> > This anti-competitive, pro-Microsoft-monopoly behavior began in the 1980s,
> > when, unlike Microsoft, Apple refused to license its operating system to
> > other computer makers to build clones. In an even more disastrous decision,
> > Apple licensed its software to Microsoft so it could develop applications
> > for the Macintosh operating system. Not long thereafter, Microsoft came out
> > with its first Windows product, which looked "remarkably like" Apple's.
> >
> > "'Hey Bill, here's the source code to our operating system. But no
> > cheating!'" quipped Blumenthal. "I think we should shut down Apple on that
> > move alone."
> >
> > As the years went by, Apple management's reaction to its steady decline was
> > to insist that its products would win because they were better, and to
> > continually charge more for them until, by 1994, it decided it would allow
> > clones to be built after all. This was followed by the decision that it
> > would not allow clones to be built after all, then by a decision that it
> > would allow it, then it wouldn't, and finally, no one cared.
> >
> >
> > Copyright © 2001, SatireWire.


For archives see:
http://www.interesting-people.org/archives/interesting-people/