IP: What MS is really saying

[David Farber <dave () farber net>]

> Date: Thu, 12 Jul 2001 10:22:14 -0700
> From: "Robert J. Berger" <rberger () ultradevices com>
> To: Dave Farber <farber () cis upenn edu>, dgillmor () sjmercury com
> Subject: What MS is really saying
>
> Thought this was apropos considering Dan's article "Microsoft's desktop 
> `concession'  taken from same old bag of tricks"
>
>
> http://www.infowarrior.org/articles/2001-04.html
>
> The Microsoft-English Dictionary 1.0
> (What Microsoft Really Means To Say)
>
> Article #2001-04
> 8 July 2001
>
> Richard Forno (rforno () infowarrior org) (c) 2001 Author. Permission
> granted to freely reproduce - in whole or in part for noncommercial
> use - with appropriate credit to author and INFOWARRIOR.ORG.
>
>
>
> For his novel "1984" George Orwell developed "Newspeak", a modified
> English language using ambiguous or deceptive words, metaphors, or
> euphemisms to influence public opinion on various matters - a common
> business practice refined to an exacting science by news media,
> marketing companies, and corporate PR departments.
>
> Nowhere is Newspeak more perfected than in the halls of the Microsoft
> Campus in Redmond, Washington - a place where legions of well-paid
> spin-meisters attempt to morph the reality of their company's
> business, legal, and product information into innocuous -sounding,
> politically-correct, calm-inducing statements when released to the
> public. Naturally, this has a confusing effect on the general public
> who is unfamiliar with this particular form of language.
>
> As a public service, this article contains a helpful list of terms
> used by the company and what, in reality - not Newspeak - such terms
> actually mean. It's my hope that such insight - culled from personal
> experience and the input of technology professionals - will cut
> through the Newspeak fog and assist readers in determining for
> themselves what Microsoft is really saying in its public statements.
>
> The Microsoft-English Dictionary is organized into four sections: (1)
> Legal, Marketing, and Internet Community Terms; (2) Security-Oriented
> Terms; (3) Product-Related Terms; and (4) Miscellaneous Terms.
>
>
> Legal, Marketing, and Internet Community Terms
>
>
> "Cancer" - (1)(n) - Microsoft metaphor describing Linux and the open
> source software movement. In reality, the term best describes
> Microsoft's own products, starting off small and then growing,
> spreading, and usually having negative effects on its host, often
> requiring software "doctors" and utilities to restore or recover such
> problems. Like cancer in the human body, many hosts have been disabled
> or killed by such organisims. See also "Swap Files" and "Temp Files."
>
> "Consent Decree" - (1)(n) - Court orders requiring a company to behave
> in a certain manner, usually as part of a court-ordered
> punishment. (2)(n) - Something akin to a "no-no note" that Microsoft
> routinely chooses to ignore while proceeding with its
> overly-aggressive business practices.
>
> "Cross-Platform" - (1)(n) - Industry standard definition for a product
> that runs on multiple computing environments (See "Platform"). (2)(n)
> - Microsoft's marketing term used to mean a product that runs on any
> of Microsoft's 'platforms.' (e.g., Microsoft's Java is
> 'cross-platform' since it runs on Windows 95, 98, 2000, ME, and XP.)
>
> "Embrace and Extend" -(1)(colloq.) - Microsoft term for accepting
> community standards and incorporating such standards in its
> products. (See "Standards").
>
> "Embrace, Extend, Extinguish" -(1)(colloq.) - Internet community
> parody on Microsoft's proclaimed "Embrace and Extend" philosophy,
> particularly in light of how the software giant interprets the term
> 'standards.' (See "Standards" and "Embrace and Extend")
>
> "External Feedback" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's vague public justification
> for removing the Smart Tags feature from Windows XP. (2)(n) - Several
> articles and community statements threatening Microsoft with lawsuits
> over Smart Tags being used to create derivative works from copyrighted
> material, and for using its monopoly position to influence (read
> 'dominate' or 'control') web content. (See "Smart Tags")
>
> "Freedom to Innovate" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's attempt to appeal to the
> patriotic spirit of the consumer and courts, implying that a failure
> to "innovate" (see "Innovation") threatens software development,
> competition, world order, the national economy, and may prevent Bill
> from building the addition to his mansion next year.
>
> "Great" - (1)(n) - Bill Gates' mantra to the media (e.g., "we'll
> continue to make great products.....through great software.....etc.)
> Often used repeatedly and annoyingly in speeches.
>
> "Innovation" - (1)(n) - Microsoft euphamism for ideas they have
> 'borrowed' (stolen) or, in rare cases, actually bought from other
> companies.
>
> "Open Source" -(1)(n) - A generally-accepted software development
> philosophy (AKA "CopyLeft") where software coded through a community
> effort, and the software source code is freely viewable and usable by
> anyone with few restrictions - also serving as a mechanism of
> providing peer review of software code by the developer community. The
> result is a community development effort that produces robust and
> reliable software. (2)(n) - An industry philosophy of software
> development that terrifies Microsoft.
>
> "Platform" - (1)(n) - Industry-standard definition referring to a
> specific computing environment or operating system (e.g., Solaris,
> BSD, Macintosh, Windows, AIX are different platforms). (2)(n) -
> Redmond term used to mean any Microsoft-developed operating system.
>
> "Software Piracy" -(1)(n) - The unauthorized copying and distribution
> of commercial software by large organized crime syndicates that pose a
> much greater economic problem for Microsoft, not the individual
> consumer that they claim. (See "Product Activation Technology" and
> "Heroin Economics.")
>
> "Source Code for Windows" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's Crown Jewels and most
> prized and guarded intellectual property. Seeing it is the only true
> way of really learning how stable, secure, or robust Windows is.
>
> "Standards" - (1) (n, pl.) - What Microsoft thinks should be the
> defined baseline for computing and networking protocols. (2) (n, pl) -
> Microsoft's inserting of proprietary code into computing technologies
> previously-agreed to and in active use by the global computing
> community (e.g., Kerberos, DNS, RTF) and then proclaiming the
> bastardized product as "standards-based" though not a true "standard"
> in the eyes of the computing community.
>
> "Viral Software" -(1)(n) - Microsoft metaphor (attempting to play on
> the negative connotation of the term computer "viruses") for any
> software not developed or owned by Microsoft, such as anything Linux,
> BSD, Mac, or Solaris based. (2)(n) - Security community metaphor
> describing Microsoft products and their propensity for both acting
> like and spreading real viruses. (See also "Cancer", "Swap Files" and
> "Temp Files.")
>
>
>
>
> Security-Oriented Terms
>
>
> "Bug" - (n)(1) - See "Issue"
>
> "Buffer Overflow" - (1)(n) - Security condition present in nearly all
> Microsoft products caused by the improper or nonexistent limiting of
> input query buffers.
>
> "Bulls-Eye" -(1)(colloq.) - Often said by security staff conducting
> network penetration scans when observing the presence of open TCP
> ports 135, 137, or 139, indicating a Windows system is present.
>
> "Could Allow" - (colloq.) - As Microsoft Security Bulletins read, a
> reported vulnerability or exploit to a Microsoft product may be a
> security problem ONLY when exploited by a cracker. Implies that a
> security problem is not a major concern until the exploit
> occurs. Example: " Authentication Error in SMTP Service Could Allow
> Mail Relaying" (01-037). In reality, the problem exists, but in
> Microsoft's expert judgement, the problem is not a 'problem' until
> exploited and makes the news. A real world example would be
> proclaiming that "guns kill people" (a truth, but only if if the gun
> is handled by a person who either loads it and pulls the trigger or
> uses it to club someone. By itself, the device is harmless.)
>
> "Issue" - (1)(n) - A feel-good euphamism used by Microsoft referring
> to a security problem. (e.g., "Microsoft has discovered an issue
> with......") (2)(n) - Microsoft's implied denial that a problem
> exists, calling it an "issue" instead of a "problem", "bug",
> "vulnerability" or "exploit." (In the real world, how many
> relationships have been broken off due to "issues" versus "problems"
> with the significant other?)
>
> "Known Issue" - (1)(n) - A feel-good euphamism used by Microsoft
> referring to a previously-reported problem. (See "issue")
>
> "Malformed" - (1)(adj) - Term used by Microsoft to describe a security
> problem caused by submitting false or modified information to an
> application, such as a typographic error may direct a user to a
> different website than what was intended. (2)(adj) - Term used by the
> security community to describe many Microsoft products.
>
> "Microsoft Security Bulletin" - (1)(n) Release of documentation for a
> previously-undocumented feature in the named Microsoft Product.
>
> "Secure Microsoft Product" - (1)(n) - Any unopened, uninstalled
> Microsoft product, preferably still inside its shrink-wrap. (2)(n) - A
> PC running Microsoft operating systems or software that is not
> connected to a network or has removable media (e.g., disk drives)
> installed...that's how Windows NT received it's C2 endorsement from
> the NSA in the mid-1990s!
>
> "Security" - (1) (n) - Something Microsoft products lack, evidenced by
> the frequency of reports of major products with vulnerable services
> enabled by default, or by releasing easily-exploited software
> products. (2) (noun) - A concept that is a mutually-exclusive to
> anything Microsoft.
>
> "Security Response Process" - (1) (n) - Method Microsoft uses to react
> to reported security problems with its products. Runs contrary to
> industry-accepted standards of proactively preventing problems through
> secure software design and intense program quality assurance and abuse
> testing prior to release.
>
> "Vulnerability" - (1)(n) - A reported weakness that facilitates the
> compromise of a software product or system. (2)(n) - General security
> community term for any computer running Windows, networked or not.
>
>
>
> Product-Related Terms
>
>
> "Active X" - (1)(n) - Vulnerability-ridden and explotable scripting
> language for Microsoft internet products. Commonly called "Craptive-X"
> by the security community.
>
> "Alpha Release" - (1)(n) - Any Microsoft product shipped to a selected
> number of users who agree to test and look for potential problems,
> often incorrectly labelled a "beta" release. (See "Beta Release")
>
> "AutoRecover" - (1)(n) - One of Microsoft's key reasons for upgrading
> to Office XP, thus officially acknowledging the inherent instability
> of previous versions of Office and Windows products.
>
> "Beta Release" - (1)(n) - Any shrink-wrapped Microsoft product
> available for retail purchase or sold to PC manufacturers for
> inclusion on new PCs. Microsoft has made its fortunes from users who
> routinely pay (in many, many ways!)  for the privilege of testing
> Microsoft products.
>
> "Beta Testers" -(1)(n, pl) - Software industry term for technical
> folks who evaluate software prior to its public release or
> sale. (2)(n, pl) - Anyone using a publicly-released Microsoft
> product. (See "Beta Release")
>
> "Blue Screen of Death" - (1)(n) - One of Microsoft's few real
> innovations. (2)(n) - Cryptic error codes seen by users when a Windows
> system crashes.
>
> "C#" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's proprietary answer to Sun's truly
> cross-platform Java language. However, C# is only effective when used
> on Microsoft 'platforms'. (See "platform" and "cross-platform").
>
> "Clippy" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's attempt to reincarnate Microsoft Bob
> (see 'Microsoft Bob') as a user's assistant, creating a virtual
> paperclip notorious for second-guessing Office users with its "It
> looks like you're writing a letter. Do you want to format for a
> letter..." annoyances. Resurrected in mid-2001 as a marketing ploy to
> generate buzz about Office XP's "lack" of such a demon. (2)(n) -
> Microsoft's assumption that all users are idiots.
>
> "Clip Art" - (1)(n) - A method used to compromise ("hack into") a
> Microsoft system using seemingly-harmless stock artwork for Microsoft
> Office products as evidenced by Microsoft Security Bulletin 00-015.
>
> "DOS" (Disk Operating System) - (1)(n) - The decades-old file system
> that still serves as the underlying base for Windows operating
> systems. The absence of a C prompt (command line) does not mean that
> DOS is no longer part of the Windows operating system, only that it is
> a bit harder to access. (See "Microsoft Windows")
>
> "Easter Eggs" - (1)(n,pl) - Hidden programs and routines placed inside
> programs by their developers, some of which don't get removed prior to
> public release.
>
> "Enhancement" -(1)(n) - See "Service Pack" or "Hotfix."
>
> "Hotfix" - (1) (n) - A downloaded file used to fix a small number of
> major problems. Many Service Packs contain prior hotfixes.
>
> "Internet Explorer" - (1)(n) - According to Microsoft, in light of its
> ongoing anti-trust court proceedings, a set of "core technologies"
> (not a 'separate application') necessary for Windows to
> operate. (2)(n) - According to the security community, a set of "core
> technologies" (not a 'separate application') that facilitates the
> compromise ("hacking") of a remote client computer by exploiting the
> network-centric, vulnerable "core technology" of the operating
> system. AKA "Internet Exploder".  (3)(n) - Constant source of security
> news.
>
> "Internet Information Server" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's free internet
> server application marketed as an 'innovative' (See "innovation") part
> of the evolution of Windows NT and 2000. See also, "Bulls-Eye". (2)(n)
> - Constant source of security news.
>
> "Knowledge Base" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's best attempt to provide
> technical information on the inner workings of its products, usually
> in response to a problem and its fix.
>
> "Legacy" - (1)(adj) - Any existing product that Microsoft wants to
> stop supporting in order to promote newer ones.
>
> "Microsoft Bob" - (1)(n) - Cutsey mid-90s attempt to dumb down the
> user interface for the average (and still growing) consumer
> markets. Died a quick painful death.
>
> "Microsoft.NET." - (1)(n) - Whatever Microsoft thinks it will entail,
> but definately reliant on a subscription-based business model for
> internet-based services, provided such services can stay operational.
>
> "Microsoft Hailstorm" - (1)(n) - See .NET.
>
> "Microsoft Outlook" - (1)(n) - Aside from USENET, the world's most
> prevalent (and efficient) virus distribution package. This includes
> Exchange Server, Microsoft Outlook, and Microsoft Outlook Express
> products. Also called "Microsoft Look-Out" by the security community.
>
> "Microsoft Passport" - (1)(n) - Part of Microsoft's new
> subscription-ware business model, this serves as the central login for
> Microsoft users as part of .NET and Hailstorm. (2)(n) - Single point
> of failure.
>
> "Microsoft Windows" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's continual refinement of the
> decades-old Disk Operating System. (See "Disk Operating System" and
> "Vulnerability")
>
> "Minimum System Requirements" - (1)(n, pl) - What Microsoft markets as
> the absolute minimum that a given product can operate on to claim a
> larger target market for a product. Such specifications correctly
> states that a product will be functional on such minimal requirements
> - but implies that a customer will be as productive as someone with
> much more computing power. (See "Windows Ready PC") A heartbeat may be
> a "minimum system requirement" for a human, but an infant can't run a
> marathon. (See "Recommended System Requirements")
>
> "Preview Version" -(1)(n) - See "Alpha Release." Also called
> "Technical Preview."
>
> "Product Activation Technology" - (1)(n) - Half-baked, easily-bypassed
> method intended to prevent software piracy of Microsoft products,
> particularly on the consumer side, such as Windows XP and Office
> XP. (2)(v) - Invasion and reduction of the consumer's privacy and
> flexibility while using Microsoft products. (3)(v) - "Raising the
> Price" on the one-on-one manner of sharing software that helped
> Microsoft gain its monopoly status. AKA "Heroin Economics." (See
> "Heroin Economics")
>
> "Recommended System Requirements" - (1)(n, pl) - In reality, the
> minimum system configuration necessary for average performance of a
> given Microsoft product.  Doubling this should yield adequate
> performance by the product. (See "Minimum System Requirements")
>
> "Remote Assistance" - (1)(n) - Feature in Windows XP that allows a
> remote person to provide troubleshooting assistance by logging onto a
> user's computer. (2)(n) - Making one of Microsoft's oldest security
> problems a documented product "feature."
>
> "Scalable" - (1)(n) - Microsoft claim that a given product can grow to
> support ever-growing user and processing loads, provided such growth
> is limited to Microsoft expectations and 'platforms.' (See "platform")
>
> "Service Pack" - (1) (n) - Stuff left out of the retail release of a
> Microsoft product that needs to be added to products already sold
> and/or in use. (2) (n) - Something that will probably break a
> customer's existing system during the service pack installation
> process. (3)(n) - Method used by Microsoft to fix problems in a
> product which are too widespread to fix with a simple hotfix. (See
> "Hotfix")
>
> "Smart Tags" - (1)(n) - Failed attempt by Microsoft to once again
> exert monopolist control, this time over any website's content by
> creating unauthorized derivative works from copyrighted material, and
> using its monopoly in the browser and "platform" market to lead web
> surfers to Microsoft-sponsored and endorsed products, services, and
> advertisers.
>
> "Subscription-Ware" -(1)(n) - Software such as Windows XP that users
> pay to use on an annual basis instead of a one-time license. Failure
> to pay annual subscriptions will render user data and/or
> Microsoft-based organizations unreachable and unusable until such
> tribute is paid on an annual basis. (2)(n) - Giving a corporation -
> software or entertainment industry - control over a user's information
> and livelihood. (3)(n) - Gross invasion of privacy. (See "UCITA")
>
> "Swap File" - (1)(n) - Method used by Windows to fill up and fragment
> users disk space.
>
> "Temp Files" - (1)(n) - See "Swap File" above.
>
> "Three-Finger Salute" - (1)(n) - One of Microsoft's first
> innovations. (2)(n) - The process used to reboot a computer after a
> crash - often resulting in Repetitive Strain Injuries for Windows
> users.
>
> "Undocumented Feature" - (1)(n) - Previously unknown capability of a
> software product. See "Microsoft Security Bulletin."
>
> "Upgrade" - (1)(v) - Process of introducing new vulnerabilities to the
> existing customer community. (2)(n) - New versions of software
> products.
>
> "Visual Basic" - (1)(n) - Microsoft scripting language that
> facilitates mass exploitation of Microsoft applications (2)(n) -
> Microsoft-centric version of the Virus Creation Toolkit.
>
> "Visual Vulnerability" - (1)(colloq.) - See "Visual Basic."
>
> "Windows-Compliant PC" - (1)(n) - Computers with ever-growing and
> often obscene memory, processor, and hard disk requirements for a
> basic installation of a Microsoft operating system. (2)(n) - Easy
> target for crackers.
>
> "Windows Droppings" - (1)(n, pl) - Temporary files generated by
> various Windows applications (and the operating system itself) that
> accumulate on a Windows hard drive and consume valuable disk
> space. See "Temp Files."
>
> "Windows Media Player" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's proprietary music player
> and music format that is being positioned as a pro-Hollywood music
> player that will give the music industry full control over where and
> how a Windows user can play audio files and music they have stored on
> their systems. Intended to replace the "anarchist" and widely-popular
> MP3 standard for music in favor of a closed, proprietary,
> privacy-invading, corporate-controlling format.
>
> "Windows NT" - (1)(n) - Corporate operating system produced by
> Microsoft in the late 1990s. Also referred to as "Needs Tweaking" (due
> to its many problems) or "Needs Towing" (referring to the incident
> involving a crashed NT server forcing a Navy vessel to be towed back
> to port in 1999), "Nice Try", "Neanderthal Technology" (for its DOS
> roots), "Not There", "Not Tested", and "Not Trustworthy" among many
> others.
>
> "Zero Administration" -(1)(n) - Marketing fantasy that claims a
> software package requires next to no dedicated staff to administer or
> support it. In Microsoft's claims of Zero Administration, something
> that no Windows product can survive with.
>
>
>
> Miscellaneous Terms
>
>
> "AOL" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's arch-enemy, a large mega-corporation that
> Microsoft is insanely afraid and jealous of now that the functionality
> and day-to-day importance of the Windows OS is being threatened by the
> AOL Client suite of services.
>
> "Borg" - (1)(n, pl) - When used in relation to Microsoft, this term
> refers to the Star Trek cybernetic villians that would use
> overwhelming force to assimilate and incorporate lesser beings into
> their ever-growing Collective.
>
> "Heroin Economics" - Common practice of drug dealers looking to
> establish a customer base by providing free samples to "hook" users,
> at which time the dealer raises his prices for his product. Since
> people are now dependent, they will naturally pay whatever is
> necessary to obtain the substance. In the software world, for years
> Microsoft tolerated software piracy (both casual and organized) as its
> user base expanded and the company became a monopoly on the desktop
> with millions of "hooked" users and organizations...at which time it
> raised its prices and plans to force users to pay annual tributes to
> feed their dependence on Microsoft products and services. (See
> "Product Activation Technology")
>
> "Mac OS/X" - (1)(n) - Apple's new BSD-based operating system,
> something that Microsoft is trying to emulate in XP and failing
> miserably at.
>
> "Microsoft" - (1)(n) - The world's largest software company. (2)(n) -
> Company found guilty of being a monopoly. (3)(n) - A threat to
> national and corporate information security and stability. (4)(n) -
> Inventor and distributor of the most frequently-used, attacked, and
> exploited software in the world. (5)(n) - Invented the Blue Screen of
> Death (See "Blue Screen of Death") and Three-Finger Salute (See
> "Three-Finger Salute").
>
> "Microsoft Tax" - (1)(n) - See "Heroin Economics." (2)(n) - Inability
> or serious difficulty a computer buyer faces when trying to purchase a
> computer without a pre-installed Microsoft operating system and suite
> of products.
>
> "Networking 101" - (1)(n) - Class Microsoft engineers clearly failed
> when they placed all four corporate DNS servers behind the same
> router. When the router failed in early 2001, all Microsoft servers,
> from Passport to Hotmail and Microsoft.Com went off-line. (Ref:
> "Passport Definiton #2).
>
> "Redmond" - (1)(adj) - Synonymous to "Microsoft" as Microsoft is the
> largest employer in the city of Redmond in Washington State.
>
> "Satan Conspiracy Theory" (1)(n) - The long-time joke in the computer
> community that the ASCII value of the Microsoft founder's name (Bill
> Gates, III) when added together, equals "666".
>
> "Tux" - (1)(n) - The name of the cute penguin that serves as the Linux
> Mascot and represents many things that Microsoft isn't. (2)(n) - The
> Sign of The Devil and/or a 'cancer' (see 'Cancer') that Microsoft is
> fearful of.
>
> "UCITA" - (1)(n) - An emerging commercial law - very anti-consumer -
> that among other things, gives software vendors the ability to
> remotely disable user computers for any reason and binds a customer to
> a license agreement that they cannot see until they open the software,
> thus violating an agreement thatt they have not had the opportunity to
> read, examine, and determine whether or not they wish to enter into
> such an agreement with the software vendor. Software sold as
> "subscription-ware" is an ideal method to exercise such controls over
> the customer-victims. Often pronounced "You Cheat-Ah", referring to
> its anti-consumer language. Microsoft is one of several software
> companies actively supporting this policy. (See "Subscription-Ware")
>
> "Useful PC" - (1)(n) - Any computer that is unable to run the latest
> version of Windoze because the processor is not fast enough and is
> recycled as a much more stable, secure, and robust multi-user system
> with the installation of Linux. (Thx to CF for this!)



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