IP: depress clutch before shifting gears

[David Farber <farber () cis upenn edu>]

> X-Sender: jwarren () mail well com
> Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 08:32:32 -0800
> To: nobody () well com
> From: Jim Warren <jwarren () well com>
> Subject: depress clutch before shifting gears
>
> Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged,
> you "ain't seen nuthin' yet." This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal
> article:
>
> 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to Press
>  Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
>
> 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to
> control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag
> the mouse was packaged in.
>
> 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
> A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of
> the floppies.
>
> 4. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in
> the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was
> heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the
> door.
>
> 5. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
> anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the
> man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
> screen and hitting the "send" key.
>
> 6. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
> worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and
> soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them
> individually.
>
> 7. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because
> his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained
> that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken
> personally.
>
> 8. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told
> the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The
> user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that
> his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
>
> 9. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new
> Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the
> technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
> response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The
> "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
>
> 10. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer
> wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there
> for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when
> she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
>
> 11. Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for
> support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
> second disk, and had some problems with the disk.  When it said to put in the
> third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...."The user hadn't realized that
> "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
>
> 12. In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for
> installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover
> and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the
> disk and wondered why there were problems.
>
> 13. True story from a Novell Net Wire Sysop: Caller: "Hello, is the Tech
> Support?"
> Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
> Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
> period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
> Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
> Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
> Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you
> receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this
> cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
> Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional.
> It just has '4X' on it."
> At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand
> it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of
> the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
>
> 14. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
> tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded,
> "No, my good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
> window and his printer is working fine."