IP: Holiday News Flash

[Dave Farber <farber () cis upenn edu>]

> > Subject: FW: For Fun ! - Holiday News Flash
> >
> >
> > > Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it
> > was
> > > announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will
> > > merge.  An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for
> > > about 1300 years.  While details were not available at press time, it is
> > > believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and
> > eight
> > > days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.  By combining
> > > forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently
> > > high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new
> > > holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords
> > a-leaping
> > > and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.  As part of the conditions of
> > the
> > > agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be
> > replaced
> > > by Latin,  thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.  Also,
> > instead
> > > of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the
> > > dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."  In exchange,
> > it
> > > is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast
> > > merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. One of the
> > > sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years
> > > was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
> > for
> > > Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner.  A breakthrough came last
> > > year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher.
> > >
> > > All sides appeared happy about this.  A spokesman for Christmas, Inc.,
> > > declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as
> > > well. He merely pointed out that, were it not
> > > for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and
> > > Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday
> > market.
> > > Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
> > > competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all
> > > present in a rousing rendition of  "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."