IP: the spirit of the Apple announcement

[Dave Farber <farber () cis upenn edu>]

Dave,


Submitted for IP, in the hopes that it catches the mood of the moment
for the many people affected by Apple's 4:30 announcement today.


> From an IPer


_______________________________________________________________________


Please redistribute with attribution.
Excerpted from "The Complete Geek"
by Johnny Deep (johnd () albany net)
Publication Date: June 7, 1997 (Broadway Books, Division of Bantam
Doubleday Dell)
also visit, www.the-geek.com (goes live, 4/97)
Please redistribute with attribution.


The Migrant Apple-Picker
by Johnny Deep (johnd () albany net)


Once I went for a job, as a "Migrant Apple Picker." I figured I would be
great at it.  Apples are my favorite.  They're way better than other
computers. =20


Plus, I like an honest job title.  I mean, "Migrant Apple Picker" really
says it all.  Any other title that you might expect, like "Temporary
Quality Control," would be just a lot of corporate-speak.


My only problem was, it was damn hard to find the facility.  All you
could see was a lot of trees.


Now I knew the company had fallen on hard times.  But this=97it kind of
made you feel Wall Street's pain.


Finally I found a guy at the front gate.  Since he was just standing
around I figured he had to be a security guard, or management. =20


I went up to him and said, "I'm here for the Apple-picker position." He
looked at me for a second, and then he said, "What are you, some sort of
geek?"


Right then I knew=97threatened by individuality.  Must be management.  So
I started talking to him, like I always talk to management, real clear
and loud.  "Well, WHERE will I be WORKING?" I said, the way you might
talk normally to an idiot.


He answered me in the same tone.  "In a TREE," he said.  That's the way
management talks, too.  In fact  having a conversation with management
is pretty much a battle of idiots the whole way.


And I didn't even know what he meant, at first.  Then it hit me.  A
TREE=97that was another name for the pecking order, management at the top,
everybody else at the bottom.


To let him know I got his drift, I said, "exactly . . . and WHERE in the
TREE?"


And then he got a real serious look, like I had asked a tough management
question.  "Well," he said, "Most workers START at the TOP and WORK
THEIR WAY to the BOTTOM."


I thought to myself, that=92s refreshing.  management that tells the
truth.  But the truth was, I was starting to get annoyed. "SO TRUE, SO
TRUE," I said to him, still real clear and loud, "But, WHICH TREE,
exactly?"


"Well, you PICK IT," he said.  With that, he started laughing like hell.
I was about to start laughing, too, because  that's what you have to do,
when you talk to management.  You have to laugh when they do, even when
there's not a damn thing funny about it..


But then I thought, Screw it.  I'm not laughing anymore.  "No, I'm not
going to PICK IT." I said back to him.  And then I used the four letter
word I had never had the nerve to use before.  "I quit," I said. =20


As soon as I said that, he got a knot in his brow.  It reminded me
exactly of that story, =93A&P,=94 by John Updike, when the store manager
gets a knot in his brow, right when the kid quits.


Let me tell you, he was pretty surprised.  All he could do was look at
me real strange, as if he hadn't heard me or something. To be honest, I
was kind of surprised myself.  Geez, I hadn't even given him my resum=E9
yet.  I  still had it in my hand, and it was  feeling a little warm=97and
not because it just came off the copier, either.


So I told him again, "I said, I quit." I thought saying it again might
calm me down.  I get nervous as hell in certain situations.  And later,
when I thought about all this, I was glad I did say it again.  I mean,
you don't get that many chances in life to say that sort of thing.


But now he looked at me like he was the one getting warm.  And I could
tell he was going to say something smart=97which, with him being a
management type, wasn't all that easy.  I had to give him a second, and
then he finally said, "What are you, some sort of psycho?"


"Yeah, that's right," I said.  And honestly, I could almost see his
point.  "I'm a real psycho-geek." Then I turned around and started to
beat it, right the hell out of there.  Over my shoulder, though, just
for the effect, I said, "But it's too bad.  This company really needs
people like me, that are psycho-geeks." I was trying to be dramatic and
all, so I would remember the moment.


And the very last thing I said was=97actually, I sort of shouted it, on
the slight chance that even old Steve Jobs could hear me, through all
those damn trees=97 "APPLES FOREVER."


Please redistribute with attribution.
Excerpted from "The Complete Geek"
by Johnny Deep (johnd () albany net)
Publication Date: June 7, 1997 (Broadway Books, Division of Bantam
Doubleday Dell)
also visit, www.the-geek.com (goes live, 4/97)
Please redistribute with attribution.