IP: from the NYT *-Chips

[Dave Farber <farber () central cis upenn edu>]

The V-Chip, that technological marvel that promises to relieve worried
parents of tough decisions about what their children watch on television,
will now be required in all new television sets. Behind the seeming
mechanical impassivity of the chip, choices are to be made by a faceless
army of raters and computer experts, who will add shut-off codes to be
beamed along with the shows. But while they=92re checking for gore and
brutality, why stop there? As long as electronic media are being supervised
from afar, plenty of other chips could be activated, allowing con-sumers to
customize home entertainment with all its annoyances suppressed =97
voluntarily, of course. The A-chip: Wipes out all advertis-ing; instead, the
screen shows simple black-and-white quotations from tren-chant authors. The
F-chip: Cuts out commercials for fatty, high-cholesterol, high-sugar junk
foods; the screen instead shows sensuously photographed car-rot sticks and
broccoli. The N-chip: Translates all negative political advertising,
including graphics and text, into Latin. The S-chip: During campaign season,
flashes the words =93Spin Control=92=92 dur-ing all appearances by partisan
commentators.


The Y-chip: Deletes the fist-pumping =93Yes!=92=92 gesture from all sports=
 events
and sitcoms. The ZZZ-chip: With all irritants ban-ished, television becomes
purely so-porific. Switches to soothing white noise when it senses the
viewer has fallen asleep. By JON PARELES