FW: April Fools on the Senate

[Meaders, Mark Maj, AF/SCTI <mmeaders () AFSC1 hq af mil>]

Hello ACE,


In the April issue of PC Computing, John Dvorak's column describes a Senate 
Bill, supposedly introduced by Senator Leahy and co-sponsored by Sen. 
Kennedy, to keep people from being intoxicated on the information highway. 
 The column is an April Fools hoax and I'm sure plenty of people will find 
it amusing (see below).


Unfortunately there are also people that are actually believing it to be 
true.  Our office has recieved several calls from outraged constituents and 
I understand Leahy's staff has as well.  I originally received the article 
via e-mail, and I understand that the on-line rumors are flying leading some 
people to learn about it without the benefit of the actual article (which 
when read closely, reveals the hoax).


Congress has taken some great forwards steps recently, particularly through 
the
availability of the Senate and House gophers (gopher.senate.gov, 
gopher.house.gov) and it would be unfortunate if people weren't aware of 
them.  I share this with ACE in hopes that you can help quash any of these 
on-line rumors if you see them.  Feel free to put people in touch with me if 
they'd like to hear more about what's happening in the cyber-Capitol :-)


Thanks for any help.  I enjoy April Fools gags, but a lot of folks just 
aren't getting this one!


Regards,


Chris


#######################################################################
Chris Casey                                  chris_casey () kennedy senate gov
Office of Senator Kennedy                                      202/224-3570
Washington, DC  20510
#######################################################################


> Trust Congress? Not With This Unbelieveable Lair of Slop
> PC Computing, April 1994, page 88.
> By John C. Dvorak


 When Vice President Gore began talking about the Information Highway, we 
all knew the bureaucrats would get involved more than we might like. In 
fact, it may already be too late to stop a horrible Senate bill from 
becoming law.


 The moniker -- Information Highway -- itself seems to be responsible for SB 
#040194. Introduced by Senator Patrick Leahy, it's designed to prohibit 
anyone from using a public computer network (Information Highway) while the 
computer user is intoxicated. I know how silly this sounds, but Congress 
apparently thinks that being drunk on a highway is bad no matter what kind 
of highway it is. The bill is expected to pass this month.


 There already are rampant arguments as to how this proposed law can 
possibly be enforced. The FBI hopes to use it as an excuse to do routing 
wiretaps on any computer if there is any evidence that the owner "uses or 
abuses alcohol and has access to a modem." Note how it slips in the word 
'uses'. This means if you've been seen drinking one lone beer, you can have 
your line tapped.


 Because this law would be so difficult to enforce, police officials are 
drooling over the prospect of easily obtaining permits to do wiretaps. Ask 
enforcement officials in Washington and they'll tell you the proposed law is 
idiotic, but none will oppose it. Check the classified ads in the 
"Washington Post" and you'll find the FBI, National Security Agency, and 
something called the Online Enforcement Agency (when did they set that up?) 
all soliciting experts in phone technology, specifically wiretapping.


 It gets worse. The Congressional Record of February 19, 1994, has a report 
that outlines the use of computerized BBSes, Internet, Inter-Relay Chat, and 
CompuServe CB as "propagating illicit sexual  encounters and meetings 
between couples -- any of whom are underage...Even people purporting to 
routinely have sex with animals are present on these systems to foster their 
odd beliefs on the public-at-large." A rider on SB #040194 makes it a felony 
to discuss sexual matters on any public-access network, including the 
Internet, America Online, and CompuServe.


 I wondered how private companies such as America Online can be considered 
public-access networks, so I called Senator Barbara Boxer's office and 
talked to an aide, a woman named Felicia. She said the use of promotional 
cards that give away a free hour or two of service constitues public access. 
You know, like the ones found in the back of books or in modem boxes. She 
also told me most BBS systems fall under this proposed statute. When asked 
how they propose to enforce this law, she said it's not Congress's problem. 
 "Enforcement works itself out over time," she said.


 The group fighting this moronic law is led by Jerome Bernstein of the 
Washington law firm of Bernstein, Bernstein and Knowles (the firm that first 
took Ollie North as a client). I couldn't get in touch with any of the 
co-sponsors of the bill (including Senator Ted Kennedy, if you can believe 
it!), but Bernstein was glad to talk. "These people have no clue about the 
Information Highway or what it does. The whole thing got started last 
Christmas during an antidrinking campaign in the Washington D.C., metro 
area," Bernstein said, "I'm convinced someone jokingly told Leahy's office 
about drunk driving on the Information High and the idea snowballed. These 
senators actually think there is a physical highway. Seriously, Senator Pat 
Moynihan asked me if you needed a driving permit to 'drive' a modem on the 
Information Highway! He has no clue what a modem is, and neither does the 
rest of Congress."


 According to Bernstein, the antisexual wording in the bill was attributed 
to Kennedy's office. "Kennedy thought that technology was leaving him 
behind, and he wanted to be perceived as more up-to-date technologically. He 
also though this would make amends for his alleged philandering."


Unfortunately, the public is not much better informed than the Senate.  The 
Gallup Organization, at the behest of Congress, is polling the public 
regarding intoxication while using a computer and online "hot chatting." The 
results are chilling. More than half of the public thinks that using a 
computer while intoxicated should be illegal! The results of the sexuality 
poll are not available. But one question, "Should a teenage boy be 
encouraged to pretend he is a girl while chatting with another person 
online?" has civil rights activists alarmed. According to Kevin Avril of the 
ACLU, "This activity doesn't even qualify as virtual cross-dressing. Who 
cares about this stuff? What are we going to do? Legislate an 
anti-boys-will-be-boys law? It sets a bad precedent."


 I could go on and on with quotes and complaints from people regarding this 
bill. But most of the complaints are getting nowhere. Pressure groups, such 
as one led by Baptist ministers from De Kalb County, Georgia, are supporting 
the law with such vehemence that they've managed to derail an effort by 
modem manufacturers (the biggest being Georgia-based Hayes) to lobby against 
the law. "Who wants to come out and support drunkenness and computer sex?" 
asked a congressman who requested anonymity.


So, except for Bernstein, Bernstein, and Knowles, and a few members of the 
ACLU, there is nothing to stop this bill from becoming law. You can register 
your protests with your congressperson or Ms. Lirpa Sloof in the Senate 
Legislative Analysts Office. Her name spelled backward says it all.