for some fun -- "Newton's Disorder"

[David Farber <farber () central cis upenn edu>]

From: Mike Basham <bash () HELIX NIH GOV>
Subject:      "Newton's Disorder"
To: Multiple recipients of list NEWTON-L <NEWTON-L () DARTCMS1 DARTMOUTH EDU>


DATELINE: NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH, BETHESDA, MD 10-26-93


Researchers at the National Institutes of Health have discovered a new
disease associated with use of Apple's new Personal Digital Assistant (PDA)
called the "Newton."


This new affliction, called "Newton's Disorder," or "ND," affects those
people who have used the Newton at least two weeks. It is a neurological
disorder that manifests itself in strange and bizarre ways.


NIH researcher S.R. Issac described it this way:


  "Long time Newton users sometimes think of one word, but say another. For
example, he or she may think of the word 'Hello,' but say the word 'Help.'
In especially severe cases, people may think of a word like 'Today,' and
say something like '1-00104.'"


Reports indicate that at least one NIH scientist, identified as Dr. Dale
Graham, has already contracted ND. Attempting to say the word "Font" Dr.
Graham said instead "Fart." So far, Dr. Graham has been unavailable for
comment.


Questions or comments concerning Newton's Disorder should be sent to the
NIH staffer in charge of ND research, Mike Basham. His email address is:
bash () helix nih gov.