Announcing Immunix SnackGuard

[Crispin Cowan <crispin () wirex com>]

New Product Release: SnackGuard
WireX Communications, Inc.
April 1, 2002

WireX is pleased to announce the latest addition to the Immunix family 
of security tools: SnackGuard. SnackGuard effectively guards your 
favorite snacks in the break room from "snack smashing" attacks: the 
predations of other hungry engineers. This protection is especially 
vital in these trying times of unemployment, when nomadic tribes of 
hunter/gatherer geeks roam the halls of once mighty dot.com's in search 
of food and caffeine.

Following on StackGuard's "canary" defense, SnackGuard employs WireX's 
patent-pending "turkey" defense: when SnackGuard detects the "gobbling" 
noise of some turkey scarfing down your favorite pop tarts and heavily 
caffeinated beverages, it issues a pink slip, halting the gobbler.

While SnackGuard is effective in defending your snacks, it is not 
without costs. SnackGuard increases run time when you are running to 
catch the bus or the elevator, in that successful defense of your snacks 
tends to increase "programmer's butt". Excessive consumption of 
caffeinated beverages without intervening bathroom breaks may also 
induce personal "buffer overflows".

While SnackGuard is "free speech", it is not "free beer":  you may 
modify and distribute this gag as you wish, but go buy your own brewskis.

Crispin

--
Crispin Cowan, Ph.D.
Chief Scientist, WireX Communications, Inc. http://wirex.com
Security Hardened Linux Distribution:       http://immunix.org
Available for purchase: http://wirex.com/Products/Immunix/purchase.html