RE: Consumer Reports Slammed for Creating 'Test' Viruses

[Drsolly <drsollyp () drsolly com>]

On Sat, 19 Aug 2006, Rob, grandpa of Ryan, Trevor, Devon & Hannah wrote:

> Date sent:            Sun, 20 Aug 2006 00:13:27 +0100 (BST)
> From:                 Drsolly <drsollyp () drsolly com>
>
> > Hey, you're right to be critical. But some of the criticisms I've seen, 
> > are totally unfair:
>
> I'm speaking at a conference in Brazil next week, and the organizers, as part of 
> their publicity, have been sending along email "interviews" from journos down 
> there.  So far:

Wouldn't it be fun to stand up at a conference and do a big Confession? 
You've have to do it absolutely straight faced, and with a a good dollop 
of emotional sincerity.

"I can't bear it any more. The lies, the secrecy - it's all too much. The 
truth had to come out one day, and I'm glad that at last, someone had the 
courage to ask these important questions.

> >  - They actually write the viruses
>
> the last four in a row have asked this

 - Yes, actually, there's an agreement between the AV companies; each one 
has a quota of viruses to write. It's based on company turnover. And the 
growth of the AV industry is the reason why the number of viruses per year 
is increasing, it's because of that link to turnover. Stop buying AV 
products, and the supply of new viruses will stop!
 
> >  - They hype up the problem
>
> at least three

You've rumbled us! Actually, there's no such thing as viruses. What we've 
done, is pay unscrupulous journalists to write articles about the 
fictitious "Slammer worm", "I love you" and so on. Looking around, I see 
that none of the journos present are on the payroll, but if you want to 
get signed up on this profitable sideline, contact me later.

> >  - They deliberately rely on an update-needing technology
>
> at least four, at different times

Damn, we were hoping that this wouldn't get out. Yes, you're right. It's
basically the same as the water-fuelled car and the eternal-lasting
lightbulb. Just like the big oil companies got together, bought out the
patents and suppressed the technology, the AV companies have done the same
with the product that we secretly call "The Perfect Antivirus", which
never needs updating, and which, if used correctly, will detect all past,
present and future viruses, and give no false alarms.

Well, since the secret is out now, if anyone wants a copy, come up and see 
me after the conference, and I'll hand out copies to you.

> >  - They've had 20 years to solve the problem, and they haven't yet
>
> not in so many words

Actually, they have, but we've been suppressing the technique that stops 
all viruses "The Perfect Antivirus", see above.

> >  - They should employ virus authors because virus authors are all geniuses
>
> for a wonder, nobody has come up with this.

See answer one above.


If we tried, we could probably think up lots more stuff along these lines. 
Maybe involve the Kennedy conspiracy, the Protocol of the Elders of Zion 
(have you noticed how many AV products came from Israel?), the lunar 
landing hoax.

 
> (It's somewhat amusing to run what they said about me through Babelfish: 
> http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/trurl_pagecontent?lp=pt_en&trurl=http% 
> 3a%2f%2fwww.modulo.com.br%2fcsomeeting2006%2fElenco.htm)
 
With any luck, at least some of the journos present would actually believe 
this, and run an article.

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