funsec mailing list archives
Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions
From: "Rob, grandpa of Ryan, Trevor, Devon & Hannah" <rMslade () shaw ca>
Date: Fri, 03 Feb 2006 11:36:35 -0800
Canada (a name derived from the Spanish for "there's nothing here") is a geographically large country above the United States and between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. On the left side, beside the Pacific Ocean, is the province of British Columbia (denoting "as far away from Britain as we could get without getting soaked"). In the bottom left hand corner is a small village known as Vancouver (meaning "we come from a small town in Holland"), which is about the only part of Canada that is not snowbound for at least ten months of the year. (In fact, some years Vancouver gets no snow at all.) A few years back, the International Olympic committee made the mistake of deciding that the Winter Olympics for the year 2010 would be held in this location. My brother sent me the following list of questions, from a "visit Canada" website, submitted by potential visitors who were desirous of more information about Canada, as well as the answers that the visitor's bureau staff would obviously love to send back, but don't dare: ------- Forwarded message follows ------- Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) A: Depends on how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes... Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany) A: No, WE don't stink! Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA) A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. ------- End of forwarded message ------- ====================== (quote inserted randomly by Pegasus Mailer) rslade () vcn bc ca slade () victoria tc ca rslade () sun soci niu edu Virtual reality is for those who can't handle the command line http://victoria.tc.ca/techrev or http://sun.soci.niu.edu/~rslade _______________________________________________ Fun and Misc security discussion for OT posts. https://linuxbox.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/funsec Note: funsec is a public and open mailing list.
Current thread:
- Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions Rob, grandpa of Ryan, Trevor, Devon & Hannah (Feb 03)
- Re: Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions David M Chess (Feb 03)
- Re: Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions der Mouse (Feb 06)
- Re: Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions Dude VanWinkle (Feb 07)
- <Possible follow-ups>
- RE: Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions Willy, Andrew (Feb 07)
- RE: Completely OT: Vancouver Olympics tourist questions Willy, Andrew (Feb 07)