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iDEFENSE - An Employee Interview
From: <dicktheft () hushmail com>
Date: Mon, 9 May 2005 08:34:04 -0700
i recently had the pleasure of interviewing richard johnson via his aol account about his recent contributions to the security community (aka dltrace). it's nice to see that idefense can manufacture advance tools for auditing (beginner level IDA scripts, plugins that emulate existing software functionality for that same program, reverse engineering tools) which seem to have assisted them in uncovering some of the most shoking software security holes to date (especially that sendmail smrsh bypass thingy). i'm not sure if i'm the only one baffled at the uselessness of the research actually generated by these experts, but i suppose it does properly build faith in the revolutionary tools that have been used and erected to continue said endeavors. (note to reader: richard johnson is the original founder of gobbles security, has been writing exploits pre-1992 AD, was the first man to compose mendelssohn's concerto in e minor for violin, had the morris worm named after him, and perhaps his most important contribution to society - he was the first man to rape a monkey in africa, and is singlehandedly responsible for the global outbreak of the aids virus) since most of you probably won't read this entire useless conversation, first we will skip to the highlight for the impatient, and then leave the entire transcript for those who are fans of our anal penetrator. ****data the dicktheft johnson: i dont think it was ready for release, but sutton wanted it pushed out**** basically, the reason that this wonderful tool (dltrace) doesn't work at all right now is that dick's boss, mike sutton, forced him to release it early. apparently this sutton fool is too stupid to be able to evaluate the readiness of his subordinate's SECURITY PRODUCT and we, the public, should not be overly critical of dick's uselessly limp tool, since after all it's only the fault of his boss... .... in other words, the cause of the dick's premature release was the over eagerness of his boss. mike - sometimes you gotta spend more time on foreplay with the dudes, otherwise you end up with a real sticky situation and a mess on your hands. and sometimes, you just gotta wash your hands of that mess before the odor is noticed by everyone. . . without further ado, here is the actual interview! interviewer: hey gobbles how's it going interviewer: good work on writing a tool less functional than gnu ltrace interviewer: the ratio of the code you claimed is yours to the code that you acknowledge wasn't is probably pretty close to the flesh to feces ratio o n your genitals interviewer: are you proud of your work gobbles interviewer: are you planning on adding a princessj easter egg feature to the next release interviewer: wow if i were funnier i could make another joke with the word "release" interviewer: and i bet i could do something funny with egg interviewer: but i'm no dick the datatheft gobbles johnson interviewer: we're going to call you dicktheft from now on interviewer: i used to think that it was the drugs that lead to your technical incompetence, but then after looking at an innovative project like elfs h, which is written by someone who probably smokes an entire kilo of marijuana a day, i'm confident that you're just stupid and not stoned stupid interviewer: maybe have skape rip some elfsh features for you sometime so you can incorporate it into your groundbreaking 1992 era technologies interviewer: and impress someone interviewer: someone dumb of course interviewer: hey dicktheft are you there interviewer: i'm looking forward to your blackhat asia presentation interviewer: i'm bringing my techncial support staff to belittle you interviewer: but unlike defcon last summer, we'll make sure the public knows that we'll be there ahead of time, so when you make a quick run off the s tage everyone will laugh at you!!!!!! interviewer: HAAHAHAHAHA interviewer: remember, suicide's always the way out of these things interviewer: good luck with life interviewer: suicide will help you maintain control bro interviewer: never forget it interviewer: hey interviewer: before i go interviewer: someone just suggested your new official hacker name be interviewer: Data The Dick Theft Johnson interviewer: how do you like that one interviewer: "hehe i'll dick theft your data" interviewer: i love it data the dicktheft johnson: I wasnt expecting to impress you guys, but thanks for the feedback. good to see you still care data the dicktheft johnson: i dont think it was ready for release, but sutton wanted it pushed out interviewer: you've had a while to formulate a response i hope it's good interviewer: i think you're ready for release data the dicktheft johnson: sorry, thats all i've got. interviewer: yeah must suck to be a pro plagarist and not be able to come up with timely retorts data the dicktheft johnson: no argument or defense here. it should be a bit more functional when it gets to a 1.0 release data the dicktheft johnson: i dont feel the need to come up with retorts. i'm really busy and have lost interest in what you guys have to say interviewer: how long until it has the functionality of ltrace data the dicktheft johnson: it's capable of doing a lot of things ltrace cant interviewer: like not working? interviewer: does it have harddisk support yet? data the dicktheft johnson: sure, like i said, its not really ready for release. it works on some configurations and does produce some useful traces w hen looking at closed src libs interviewer: if it suspports harddisks it'll be more advanced than grsecurity interviewer: good work on that defacement btw data the dicktheft johnson: eh brad said some of his friends did it as a joke. had to haev the admin of the box change it ;-) data the dicktheft johnson: grsec is rock solid data the dicktheft johnson: compared to anything else at least interviewer: yeah by your auditting standards your penis is probably rock solid interviewer: which is probably true in a room of young asian boys data the dicktheft johnson: good one data the dicktheft johnson: i dont know or care who you are. i'm not so sure why you care so much about what i do data the dicktheft johnson: or why insulting me is fun for you interviewer: did you ever see the slides to your presentation in spain? interviewer: hey are the pax bugs rock solid too data the dicktheft johnson: but regardless, i'm sure some people will find value in the next version. interviewer: like the vma mirroring bug interviewer: i see that didn't come up in your audit of the software interviewer: how'd you miss something that simple data the dicktheft johnson: i figgured i'd get some fun responses interviewer: i'm pretty sure anyone that spells figured wrong didn't get a 1550 on their SAT data the dicktheft johnson: slides to my presentation in spain? interviewer: yeah they rocked interviewer: later dude data the dicktheft johnson: later ps: iDEFENSE - my friend and i both read this list sometimes and we're sick to death of your useless announcements and software release notifications made to this list, and we're sick of the random bullshit your clearly retarded employees feel like sharing with this list (kurt, let dicktheft theft your dick and shut up please). seriously, working for a company that seems to only employ the retarded, doesn't make you intelligent or respected. bless all the readers of this list, and remember - GOD SAVES! :) ***greetz 2 ron1n*** Concerned about your privacy? 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